Validation
Ran across this short movie called Validation…funny, intriguing, touching, and a great story that illustrates the power of words, and the fundamental human need for recognition and affirmation. If you have 15 minutes or so to invest, it’s definitely worth your time:
It got me thinking about the way I use words - and how I might take advantage of the opportunities I’m given to recognize and call out the beauty and God-given strengths of those around me.
What’s your response to the movie? Have you experienced this sort of validation in your life? What prevents you from being validated, or validating those around you?
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Found a link to a related post, Affirmation, on another blog: http://rhettsmith.com/2009/02/10/technologys-affect-on-your-marriage-and-family/
Great post that shows how our need for affirmation/validation can lead us to seek it out in the digital realm, neglecting our real world cares
good one! so true. I'm such a words person. I love validating & loving on others with words
It's my love language & spiritual gift (what's that big word for things along the line of encouragement–Exhortation?) .. so I loved this clip a lot! 
Thanks so much for sharing. Have a beautiful day!
Man. If people can get this right, it is life-changing for the people you encounter.
It basically amounts to giving your presence to people and being observant to those around you. That’s all.
Both acts require a certain selflessness–mire in your own concerns all day–or put them aside long enough to see that there are other people around you who need you and need your input–and sincere validation.
It’s a good habit to groom, to address each and every person you encounter with something –cashiers, attendants–family members. Even if there is no verbal exchange, eye contact and a genuine smile goes WAAAAY into the hearts of most people. I see it every day.
One time, when we were in Miami, we went into this Denny’s and the waitress was about as surly as you can concoct in your mind. She was clearly overworked, but her demeanor left a lot to be desired. She snapped at everyone, snarled at the cook, growled at the busboy, and basically made the restaurant vibrate with tension.
We stayed, because we were too tired to find another restaurant on foot. But, we were apprehensive about this waitress nazi actually making it to our table.
When she did arrive at our table, it was with an unsurprising vindictive glare and huff of irritation. “What do you want?”, she said, staring down at her pad. I paused a second and said quietly, “You seem to be having a bad day. Is everything okay?” She checked my eyes to see if I was for real, and when my irises met hers, well, the floodgates opened, and within one minute, she spilled out the contents of her grief: her live-in boyfriend had been smacking her around that morning and her daughter had taken up with drugs. I told her we’d be praying for her. She paused and smiled. With that, she turned on her heels and barked, “I’ve got orders, people. Outta my way.”
For the rest of our meal, she continued to snarl at everyone else in the restaurant. But, across the restaurant, she would smile at us, push people out of the way to bring us our food, attend to our every need, and address us like beloved grandparents. And all that from a sincere momentary connection in this woman’s life.
She brought extra kid’s toys to the table for Olivia, who at the age of five, relished with delight this unexpected boon. And surprisingly, we lingered over our drinks as we finally saw the tension melt away, if only at our table, if only temporarily, in this woman’s life.
I am just sayin’, if you can spare the comparative small effort, it is the stuff life change is made of–give of yourself and it gives people themselves.
Reminds me of the blessing round. Words are so powerful.
>Randi Jo - glad you liked it - you definitely are a exhorter/encourager!
>Linda - what a great story! You nailed it on the head as well-being present to people. How often do we just pass folks by or transact with them without giving a thought as to what's going on on the inside with them?
>Jonathan - agreed. love what you're doing with Thrive to get folks beyond surface level relationships to build true, authentic community. think we'd all do well to remember the power we all possess to use our words to bless and encourage others
Hey Steve,
Great post brother - nice to hear from you over at 210 Leadership-
WOW! - how poignant - Paul and I have been talking about this very topic all week - going through very in-depth pre-marital counseling has really brought this to the forefront, more than anything it has taught us how important it is to be (feel) validated when you are young, if your parents do or don’t validate you as a child really shapes who …you become later on and how you relate to people -
Though…I know that I did not truly feel validated till I realized that my validation does not come from man…it comes from God…
Who does He say I am?
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
The earlier a child can really own that, the better I think…
In the same sense, as adults we must remember how important it is to “spur-on” people and validate their feelings - even though we may disagree with them -
Thanx Steve…as per the video - “You are great!” - always insightful!
>210 (Hervict) - great to hear from you too, and thanks for the validation
>Nannette - you are so right about validation needing to come from God, because he's the only one who knows our true identity, warts and all. And he's the only one we can count on to consistently love and forgive us, looking beyond our fears and failures to see us in light of his redemptive reality. Cool stuff, and great when we can remember this and pass on the validation we receive from him to others…
Steve,
That was so cool!. What a refreshing 15 minutes.
My late wife (31 yrs. we were one flesh) validated me over and over again when I was in the depths of despair. She led me through my drug and alcohol years early in our relationship. Then by God’s grace I came to faith in Jesus. We, after 14 years of married life, went to Columbia Bible College where I was validated by four godly men on staff, one whose name is also Steve Bradley. And my wonderful godly wife then went to seminary with me; we graduated together in ‘94. And for the rest of her life (she went to be with her Lord in ‘05 at the age of 55) she was always there for me. But most of all, my heavenly Father validated me in His Son, and my wife and both our children and now my pastor son-in-law and their 3 children.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I guess I need validation again.
Steve,
I hope you come back to this post soon. I may have inadvertently dropped your twitter follow. If so try it again.
This was a wonderful example of validation!! I was doing some research for my Human Resource class when I came across it! I will incorporate it into one of my papers so everyone can see this video. Thanks so much! We do need validation daily, so thankful our Heavenly Father validated us by giving his Son.
Blessings in His name.