Humor

Super Bowl Commercials, Clown Creepiness and Social Suicide

Posted in Humor, Super Bowl, awkward, clowns, commercials, embarassing moments, funny story, mimes, parties, social suicide on February 2nd, 2009 by Steve Bradley – 4 Comments

Watching Super Bowl commercials yesterday reminded me of one of my favorites from last year - the ETrade “Bobo the Clown” commercial.

Not only does it strike a chord with me, it also reminded me of one of my most embarrassing moments…

Back in my seminary days, I was at a party talking with another student who had a gift for clowning. Not clowning around — literally being a clown. He was also a talented mime.

He told me about the clowning/miming ministry he had, which was obviously near and dear to his heart. Problem was (and is), I hate clowns. Always have. Hate mimes even worse.

Nothing personal, it’s just that clowns creep me out. Mimes are even worse because they get in your face and don’t say anything, pretending to be engaged with objects that don’t exist.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that :) It’s just not my cup of Earl Grey…

Being the good Southern gentlemen I was raised to be, I listened to his stories attentively. I even praised him (genuinely) for his enthusiasm, and encouraged him to keep following the dreams/desires God had placed in his heart.

Then my bride Lee showed up.

Overhearing the subject of our conversation, she (inexplicably I might add, because she’s typically the queen of social graces) blurted out:

“Clowns? Steve hates clowns!!“

[Insert seemingly endless awkward pause...crickets chirping, beads of sweat forming, and the like]

Keeping a stiff upper lip (and trying not to make eye contact with the student), I shot my bride a knowing glance, and said meekly, “We were just talking about how [student's name] has a clowning ministry, and it’s actually really neat.”

To which Lee replied, helpfully, “Oh — well it’s mimes he really hates!!“

[Insert even longer awkward pause, while I calculated whether I should fake a seizure or eek out another reply]

Rebounding, I replied [stammering], “Well…you see…he actually does miming ministry also…and it all sounds…very interesting…[trailing off weakly]“

Just as I was internally congratulating myself for hanging in there, and hoping for my wife to pick me up off the floor, she replied, “Well, I’ll leave you two to talk. See ya’.”

And just as swiftly as she arrived, she was gone.

Leaving me. And the student. In her wake.

Eventually I mustered the courage to stop staring after my wife, realizing the likelihood of her returning to save me from this social prison was nil.

Pressing on, I turned to face the student — bravely hoping against hope to find a way to salvage the situation.

But the damage was done. I could see it in his eyes. That look of “I thought you were my friend.” That sense of “You mean you let me bear my soul to you when you don’t actually give a crap?!!”

I wanted to tell him it was all a lie. That my wife was off her meds. Unfortunately, her status as an accomplished seminary student herself was now working against me…

He could see it in my eyes as well. I really do hate clowns. Hate mimes even worse. The fact that he was not just one, but both of these things was hard for me to get my arms around as well, since he was otherwise a very likeable guy :)

The truth is that I really was genuinely happy for him that he had found something he loved and felt called to do. Had our relationship continued, I might have even grown to love (ok, let’s be real, tolerate) clowning and miming.

But that was not to be. Hurricane Lee had struck, and it was just too raw, too painful to rebuild…

I don’t remember if another word was actually spoken. I do remember that he turned and left first, leaving me standing alone for some indeterminate amount of time. Could have been minutes. Could have been hours. Don’t really know. It’s all a blur to me now…

Postscript: My wife and I get Christmas cards from dozens of old seminary friends/acquaintances. Inexplicably, we’ve never received one from this student…

If you’re out there, somewhere, please accept my [and my bride's] apology — if you gave up clowning, I hope if wasn’t on my account. If God really placed it in your heart, I hope you’re clowning/miming up a storm — not to spite me, but in spite of me.

****************

For everyone else out there, what’s your most embarrassing moment? Have you ever committed social suicide?

Do clowns/mimes creep you out too, or is it just me?

Fun Friday Link

Posted in Bible, Fun Friday, Humor, Twitter, time management, viral video on January 16th, 2009 by Steve Bradley – Be the first to comment

Here’s a funny video from a fellow twitter-er, Chuck Harris, that just might help you find the extra time in your schedule you’ve been missing…

The Bible in 30 Minutes

Got any time saving tips of your own? Click here to share the wealth, and redeem the time you just spent reading this post… ;-)

Gut Wrenching Insights, Seriously

Posted in Humor, blowing chunks, cookie tossing, emotional aftertaste, food, gross, gut level, head, heart, heartless, hurl, irrational, puke, rational, retch, seriously, throw up, upchuck, virus, vomit on November 21st, 2008 by Steve Bradley – 7 Comments

As some of you might have gathered from this post, it’s been quite an adventure at my house for the past week.

I’ll spare you all the details, but suffice it to say that each member of the Bradley family has now taken part in sharing what appears to be a 24 hour stomach virus. My own experience, unpleasant though it was, taught me something, however — seriously.

This past Tuesday night, my lovely bride made for me a special meat filled, manly man, hearty, warm you down to the bones on a chilly night, stew. Which is something I normally love, mind you.

But not this night. This night I was in fact repulsed by the stew — on a deep, emotional, and gutteral level. Odd how something can one day seem appealing and life affirming, and the next day seem disgusting and poisonous…

I’m proud to report now that the ill effects of the virus have subsided, and the appeal of the stew for me has been restored.

This was not my bride’s experience a number of years ago, however. When she was pregnant with our firstborn, her first bout of morning sickness was regrettably brought on by a bowl of otherwise excellent turkey soup. On the day after Thanksgiving, 1994.

To this day turkey soup has lost its appeal for her. Her experience back in 1994 forever changed her — leaving her with an emotional aftertaste that still lingers.

Which got me thinking… Though we often like to think of ourselves as logical beings — especially with regard to our beliefs and theology — I wonder how many of us are living with emotional aftertastes, perhaps that we’re even not aware of, which color our perspective and shape our worldview?

Perhaps this is why words like church, God, Jesus, and Bible for some are positive, appealing words — while for others they seem to conjure up negative images and gut level reactions of disgust?

Maybe this is why we have trouble understanding each other at times? Could it be that the “irrational” responses we see in others would make much more sense if we knew more about a person’s life experiences? Could it be that our own “rational” behaviors are in fact shaped by gut level emotional aftertastes, springing from our own past experiences?

I’d love to hear other’s thoughts on this.

Do you have any emotional aftertastes that you’re aware of?

How do you handle the tension between head and heart/gut? Which is a bigger insult for you — to be called “irrational” or “heartless?”

[ht: Ze Frank, where I first encountered the phrase "emotional aftertaste"]

One Rule Every Parent Should Enforce!

Posted in Humor, barf, gross, parenting, puke, retch, rules, seriously, stories, throw up, upchuck on November 16th, 2008 by Steve Bradley – 2 Comments

Don’t let your kid throw up on you!

Seriously. Especially if they’re going to throw up in your mouth…

Take it from my bride. She figured this out the hard way, at about 3 am this morning.

Seriously.

Do you have any parenting advice to share?

[Editor's note: the pumpkin pictured above is a hand carved vision navigator creation, from about 3 years ago...]

This Day in History: You Must Be Joking :-)

Posted in Humor, blogging, computers, emoticons, history, joke on September 19th, 2008 by Steve Bradley – Be the first to comment

Twenty-six years ago today, something remarkable happened that changed the course of history. Especially for those who are fond of emailing, bloggging, and text messaging.

What was it, you ask?

It was the day that one computer geek showed the world how to take a joke :-)

Or not :-(

Still don’t get it? Then read on:

1982: At precisely 11:44 a.m., Scott Fahlman posts the following electronic message to a computer-science department bulletin board at Carnegie Mellon University:

19-Sep-82 11:44 Scott E Fahlman :-)
From: Scott E Fahlman

I propose that the following character sequence for joke markers:

:-)

Read it sideways. Actually, it is probably more economical to mark things that are NOT jokes, given current trends. For this, use:

:-(

With that post, Fahlman became the acknowledged originator of the ASCII-based emoticon. From those two simple emoticons (a portmanteau combining the words emotion and icon) have sprung dozens of others that are the joy, or bane, of e-mail, text-message and instant-message correspondence the world over.

Thank you Scott Fahlman! You’ve made the world a better place, and for that, I salute you.
[For the full story go here]

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen or heard recently?

Is Your Communication Clear?

Posted in Humor, church stuff, communication, funny story, power of words on September 8th, 2008 by Steve Bradley – 1 Comment

Ran across this funny story that illustrates well the potential perils of church communication:

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Randy standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, ‘Good morning Randy.’

‘Good morning Pastor,’ he replied, still focused on the plaque. ‘Pastor, what is this?’

The pastor said, ‘Well son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.’

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Randy’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, ‘Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?’

Do you have a story of [mis]communication to share?

How clear is your church’s communication? Do your words mean the same thing to others that they do to you?

Your Call is VERY Important to Us, Part Trois

Posted in Humor, being put on hold, graphs on August 9th, 2008 by Steve Bradley – Be the first to comment

Hey, guess what? My little graph is on the GraphJam.com voting page (their version of it is copied above). So, if you’re so inclined, please head on over and give it a “thumbs up.”

Here’s the address: http://graphjam.com/vote/

[Update, 8/12/08, 9:30 pm -- vote is now at 137 thumbs up, and 7 thumbs down -- my chart has now moved down to voting page 6 -- keeps moving down as new entries are added]

Current vote shows 32 thumbs up, and 1 thumbs down. Wondering who the lone fan of being put on hold while being told empty promises must be?
[BTW, for the backstory on this, see my earlier posts -- original, and part deux]

Grocery Store Hell! Or, A Lesson In Patience

Posted in Humor, funny story, grocery stores, hell, patience on August 2nd, 2008 by Steve Bradley – 2 Comments

What’s up with the above picture you say? Well, I’ll tell you…

It all started when my wife asked me, “Oh honey, can you just run real quick to the grocery store? All we need are hot dogs and ice.”

Seemed simple enough.

So, being the self-sacrificing husband that I am, I said, “Sure.”

So naive. So trusting. So gullible.

Little did I know that “real quick” would actually translate into well over an hour — but not just any hour. You know how time slows down when you’re in an accident? How it can make mere seconds feel like an eternity as every detail becomes etched in your memory? That’s what this hour was like — a twilight zone of sorts. A place where hope begins to fade away, ice begins to melt, and patience is tried in a merciless crucible of helpless waiting that I now fondly refer to as “Grocery Store Hell.” :)

Ok, it wasn’t really all that bad, but just thought I’d just add to the dramatic tension a bit.

I found the hot dogs (Oscar Mayer natural beef nitrite free franks — gotta be healthy, you know) and ice quickly enough. Then decided to do the self-checkout option, to save even more time. Scanned my items without a hitch, but since I was writing a check, I had to give the attendant my driver’s license. She took it and my check back to her register/kiosk thingy, and…

That’s when it happened.

It took me a minute or two to notice something was wrong. The attendant looked flustered. She mumbled something about this being her first day. When I asked if there was a problem, she turned to me with a look of desperation, and said, “Your driver’s license is stuck in the cash register.”

“Huh?” I responded intelligently. Rebounding, I decided to take a look for myself. I figured that maybe I could just pry it out, given that I have the strength of ten men, no doubt.

The problem was that it was nowhere in sight. It had fallen into a crack just behind the stainless steel lockbox portion of the register — and there was no apparent way to access it. Eventually a manager came by. “You probably have this happen all the time?” I wondered out loud, hopefully.

“No, ” he replied, avoiding eye contact. “I don’t think this has ever happened before.”

50 minutes, 2 managers, several tools, and numerous angry backed up in line shoppers later, my driver’s license was freed.

About 10 minutes into this ordeal, it dawned on me that maybe God wanted to teach me something. Maybe I’m not the most patient person in the world (and isn’t patience fruit of the Spirit no. 4?). Maybe it’s good to realize once in awhile how little control I really have over my own life, and how infrequently I thank God for how well most things in my life usually go. Maybe I should think about how the poor attendant felt. After all, it was just an accident. A freakish one at that. Yet she could barely look me in the eyes. And her managers didn’t seem to be thinking warm fuzzy thoughts about her. And neither did the customers who were being slowed up in line. And now she had to deal with them while keeping one eye on the cashbox that was left sitting out on the floor in the open.

So…I began to look on the bright side. Since I’m a blogging freak now, I decided to take a picture of the poor managers as they struggled to recover my driver’s license. This made me laugh (to myself, discretely, and not at them, but with them of course). I also thought that lightening the mood a bit might be beneficial for everyone involved. So, I helpfully offered to watch the cash box, and take a little something off the top as commission :) Seriously, I did make a point to reassure the poor attendant that I didn’t want to kill her, I knew this was all an accident, and that if anyone was to blame, it was the designer of the register, not her.

As I left, I thanked them all for their efforts, and told the attendant that things couldn’t get much worse than that, so it should be all downhill from here. And to have a nice day.

Not sure what difference that will make in her life, but it sure made me feel better. Beats stewing over how I’ll never reclaim that hour, ever again, for the rest of my life… :)

Has something like this ever happened to you?
What tries your patience? How do you handle it?

Inconceivable!

Posted in Humor, Princess Bride, graphs, movie quotes on August 2nd, 2008 by Steve Bradley – Be the first to comment

Any Princess Bride fans out there? This is for you…
[from GraphJam.com -- note: not everything there is family friendly]

song chart memes
more graph humor and song chart memes

Pie Chart meets Princess Bride? Inconceivable!

I don’t think that word means what he thinks it means…

Charlie the Unicorn

Posted in Charlie the Unicorn, Humor, Tracy Simmons, moral, viral video on July 27th, 2008 by Steve Bradley – 3 Comments

Tracy Simmons had a post today on the “Charlie Bit Me” viral video — if you haven’t seen it, check out her post here.

Reminded me of another funny Charlie video that makes me laugh everytime I see it…

Charlie the Unicorn — if you haven’t seen it, check it out:

Challenge: if you had to write a one-line moral to this story, what would it be?

No right answer here, just looking for some redeeming quality to justify it’s appeal :)

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